Sallythesoap

Tired

2011-01-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

It's the 4th day of the new year and i'm already tired, worn down with everything i'm doing - meeting up with friends, knowing new friends, making an effort to talk. i enjoy company and chatting and learning new things everyday, getting to know new people, but especially now after weeks of idling and going out so much it's... numbing. i think that's the word. that school's starting again in less than 1 week only adds to the heaviness.

sometimes i think in third person voice, to get myself to snap out of this pathetic-ness, but it doesn't work like that does it?

the feeling has passed, goodnight.

2010-12-26T22:54:00.002+08:00

I think it's funny how i come back to this blog after months of a hiatus, knowing noone but myself reads it occasionally, as though i like seeing what i type like rewinding and replaying an old tape, as though i'm hoping for a response from an imagined passerby, as though what i type here really reflected my thoughts and emotions, like words could ever capture what i experience. i could never write to anyone's heart, i write plainly and simply and horribly which perhaps is what i am. plain simple, predictable, ugly.

yeah i'm not ugly sometimes i look in the mirror and think i'm actually kinda pretty. haha. but who tells other people they think they themselves are pretty?

but it's this innate ugliness i know which resides in me. i am insecure. Physics says that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction, so in response, so i'll not feel that gnawing inadequacy, there's this membrane that is a shield like the kind that Hermione conjures up with spells in Harry Potter which i like to think protects me and keeps me safely distant from everyone. even my closest friends. how tragic. i'd like to say that i'm just like every other girl who shares everything with her bestfriends but whats to share when i've no best friend (in its raw meaning) and there's nothing i'll allow myself to share unless it's nothing too revealing.

There was this period where i secretly hoped the pain i was feeling was enough for it to qualify as chronic depression, but it passed. so i wasn't really in depression at all, just depressed temporarily; i was almost disappointed at that. because then the hurt could not be explained, in limbo, which is the worst state i ever felt. which i wished other people would be able to understand, but which i would wish noone else would have to experience. because it's hollow and empty and lonely.

But in a perverse manner, i embrace the limbo, because the pain made me feel alive. i can't remember times i was happy, in ecstasy kind of happy, but i can remember the pain, the blackness, the one-ness, the salinity. it's not like i'm in self-pity, because it seems i'm over that now. but it's so beautiful in certain ways. i wish i write beautifully so i could capture this feeling and this revelation, but i don't.

goodnight, there's enough of me here. goodnight.

food and determinism

2010-10-19T01:09:00.003+08:00

funny how old habits are so easily slipped back into. it's almost as if no matter how much i say i won't, i still do. determinism perhaps? it's like i'll tell myself not to eat the chicken pie, so i eat an apple. but then i still dont feel satisfied, so i eat like a biscuit. but its still not enough, so i eat the chicken pie. then i'm okay. inside i'm like WTF, i should've just eaten the chicken pie in the first place. not quite the same as old habits, but its analogous.

2010-09-23T20:14:00.003+08:00

Where do we go after we die?

2010-09-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

Emptiness is flowing back, that sense of uselessness and wanting to have nothing to do with it but it clings on like a blood-sucking leech. I want to have fun during recess week, but somehow nothing's been exactly good per se, just barely okay. I want to 'participate', like Charlie seeks to in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, let life take over, but somehow wanting just doesn't cut it.

I am nothing

2010-09-12T23:46:00.005+08:00

Today i shall as per normal post something mundane and useless up.

Sending Vic off today left me feeling warmed but cold all the same. It was heartwarming to see that even amidst the sad goodbyes and thinking about how it'll be without Vic around, to know that she could still be sure that we're all still gonna be here, her family and friends and home is not gonna change and there's something to return to. funny how goodbyes tend to bring out the ties and love that we don't often express. on a morbid note, deaths bring people together. and it seemed almost a procession this morning. in a good way, in a good way.

so while that was warming, i think it left me cold because i'd want to be the one flying off too, off to study overseas, on a scholarship somewhere in search of something else. i wished and wished for that, i think i'd do anything to be on a plane off to an unknown future. but it didnt quite hit home. which scares me because it s a nothingness i cannot grasp cannot cure.

my thoughts are forever in a jumble. so anyway i discovered something that disturbed me ever since the start of the year:

you know you're an empty soul when you cry over a guy who cut you loose more than you did when your grandma passed away. or was it a compounded effect? either way, i am an empty soul.

2010-09-11T16:43:00.002+08:00

Hi. Sometimes i wonder why time cant stop, just for sport. just so people can believe that the impossible is still very much possible. and i wonder too if one day i'll figure out my purpose in life. because right now not knowing it, not even having a grasp of what lies ahead is a scary position to be in.

2010-09-05T18:28:00.001+08:00

you know you're going mad when you surf fuckyeahtattoos and listen to coldplay's fix you and cry.

You will bring beauty from my pain

2010-07-28T21:12:00.003+08:00

What i see in this film-captured moment is one of hope, of expectations, of family love, of friendship, of big dreams and bigger potential (haha @ the ego).

But the thing is, what film doesnt capture is the moment after, or more aptly the many many moments after, months later. the roller coaster cycle of emotions, of dejection then a shocking revelation, a temporal relief and excitement then the cruel realisation of lost hopes, the loosening grip on those expectations and hopes that were once pinned upon this very photo. I wish i could go back, to that day. God knows how differently i'd have relived those days. just half a year, to make up for all those lost opportunities.

I really want to move on from this rut, but i know i can't and i never will . it feels almost like i'm that tortured soul that Leonardo DiCaprio portrays in his characters Teddy Daniels in Shutter Island and as Dom Cobb in Inception, minus the good looks and glamour. It's like i'm swinging back and forth between hellhole state and almost out of it state. like a volatile substance.

But i know i'll never relive this part of my life, and the cruelty of that is honestly killing me softly everytime i sit on it. I know this will likely be the regret of my life, and it is so hilarious that my very "success" mocks my disappointing lack of realisation of the potential i had. So no matter how much my friends say that God has a plan, i see none; no matter what my family say about how it is fine because i still have time, I don't have any because Time itself can't be had can't be possessed can't be controlled; no matter how much my sis says she can help well this whole thing hinges on how much i dont want help because i need to do it by myself for myself more than anyone and i missed that train because of, myself. The stupidity of it all is alarmingly ironic. i think thats the right word.

so i suppose, three cheers for self-destruction.

July : Should do list

2010-07-25T22:56:00.002+08:00

Return $110 to sis
Buy my books ($280)
Buy a white shirt
Watch Inception & Despicable Me!
Dinner w the bestijfriends
Move into Sheares
Find a tuition assignment

So, #1 and #2 will be done tomorrow. #3 is doneeeee cos i just got it yesterday. On track for #4, watching Inception tomorrow, possibly DM the next! #5 is tomorrow too! haha. #6 should be for august. andddd need to call eileen in the morning. hmm i'm crossing my fingers.

as for deeper things to do, like get over my self-pitying state that i'm still in since idk when, i believe its never gonna go away. its something that's just a part of me. i dont think i can ever get out of it. steph and joanne were telling me yesterday that i'm finally back. haha. such blunt words, but i get you. i know i lost myself in the last 2 years, and maybe there's a hint of the person i once was coming back. but that naivety i hope is gone. the youthfulness is gone too. the cheeriness if any is nowhere to be seen. what's left is maybe a decency that is slowly returning, like a lost sheep returning to its owner. i'm not the shepherd. but right now, "God's plan" is way beyond what i can grasp. those are empty words now. i feel childish that it appears to others this is a reection of faith.

to my friends who are/were concerned (like S and J) : fret not it's not life-threatening, but it's chronic. the signs of recovery are mere signs, though i prefer to see them as symptoms. symptoms of an overactive mind. so while possibly I'm getting back, its not the same. it's never the same is it? besides, its too late to me to "be back". too late for regrets, too late for life-changing decisions, too late for choices, too late to be who i could have been, too late to know better and do better. The US asked N.K to stall their "provocative words" and show some action. So enough words now, (the weather's pretty) good (to) night.

2010-07-23T23:17:00.003+08:00

I am spamming myself with depressing thoughts again. anyway the stupid diet/exercise thing is killing meeeee, i feel sad that my relationship w food has degenerated to this state. and the things i do and the lack of feelings about what i do is scaring me, really. its almost like i'm living as a third person.

SHITZZZ DAY 2

2010-07-20T17:49:00.002+08:00

okay, so today was quite fail. no exercise (maybe some circuit l8r) plus ate a coconut !! or half actually. plus sunflower seeds. before dinner. and a curry puff for breakfast.

so total calorie count seems something like 850cal up till before dinner, maybe even 900. :/ actually this is quite all right but it just seems diet-appropriate to aim for super low calorie intake. so FAILLL. tomorrow i shall attempt again this time with something healthier for breakfast and no more snacking. okay but at least today i'm trying to abstain from supper. how do people on diets tahan 1 week?? i feel like killing myself already.

anyway work was so exhausting today. and i took a nap again. haha. feels good to be lazy!

Realisations

2010-07-18T23:47:00.004+08:00

And it came to me then that every plan was a prayer to father time.

Many realisations came to me over the course of the week that just passed. Like how the statement above speaks some truth, at least to me. How nowadays i'm caught up with thinking what could have been and secretly but very stupidly wishing/praying for time travel to be possible and to be able to turn back time. or have a bit more time. but that's a prayer that's buried pretty deep now.

then, also, something about what i've witnessed about people and the schools they're from, or maybe its from my current disposition that made me more acute to such subtle actions and, more importantly, intentions. in a good way of course. and i'm happy to discover this.

then there was this conversation with fabian last night about what kind of superpowers that reveals how hung up i am about time travel, even after months of mood swings and a state of despair, and the ominous truth that i know is all around me. but maybe denial is a good coping mechanism, cos i'm still living. then again, i have no choice. i cannot consider other options. there is no option b.

hmm, and it came to me that being able to just hang out with my friends/friend feels free-ing. like how i used to think going out one-on-one with any of my friends might be awkward, but it no longer is, and that comfort with each other, however close, and the comfort with ourselves as well, is a joy. i'm glad for the turn of events the past 1.5 months, in a warped way i guess. haha.

now for the JESSICA ALBA BODY PROGRAMME. i shall psycho myself. need to do this in prep for school in lieu of the possible weight gain. thus DAY 1 begins tomorrow. sure fail laaa, but positive thinking doesn't hurt once in a while. ("

2010-07-17T12:21:00.003+08:00

There were days when i felt i was made to do big things, but when i look at the reality of everything around me, the naivety of the bubble i created for myself just crumbles.

Of coincidences, food binge and weekend plans

2010-07-14T09:50:00.004+08:00

Its so coincidental that evil and i wil be taking the same maxi cab on friday for social night! haha how weird this coincidence, but exciting nonetheless. okay but anyway these few days have been bumming + eating contest days, competing with myself on the previous day whether i can eat/slack more.:/ bingeing was the norm like non-stop eating for 3 hours. okay or like less than 15 min break between each time i put something in my mouth. WTF. kill me. and i sat in front of my laptop for 5 hours straight playing Life Quest and finished it. i need a life, and more work.

at least i ran and did some circuit today, otherwise i'll put on weight like siao. weekends are almost here! cant wait for a packed one:

OG brunch, dinner with the police trainee, Sheares welcome session, + more exercise and family day + mass. haha. ^^

2010-07-01T11:59:00.003+08:00

My mom's so cute, she just asked me what to wear for work. ^^ sometimes, the smallest things that happen once in a while make you feel like all the bullshit in life is worth something.

2010-06-23T21:44:00.002+08:00

some days i wish i were a boy,
some days i wish i'd be numb to emotions
some days i wish feelings came to me naturally
some days i wish i'd stop crying
some days i wish i didnt feel possessive of my friends
some days i wish i were a better friend
some days i wish i'd feel like i was on top of the world
some days i wish for money
some days i wish that i could have a genie in a lamp who grants unlimited wishes
some days i wish my dreams never ended
some days i wish i never ended those dreams
most days though i just wish i'd stop wishing and start living

and suddenly i'm descending into that mess again.

"Salvation lies within"

2010-06-14T09:29:00.003+08:00

I WANNA TAKE PART IN LOSE (weight) AND WIN CONTESTS!! hahaha, okay maybe not cannot win anyway.

finally went to run today after >1 week, my barely there fitness is gone. need to get back my form, and go gym + run + pilates + yoga. hello jeremy and jiahong where art thou you holiday-ers? come back soon!!

anyway on a much happier note, evil's back from europe! (: catching up over koi bubble tea @ macs was great and much needed. thank you & shir for listening, and i'm glad that opening up has come more easily to me after, too long.

note to self #1: improve command of english and speech, absolutely hate my disgusting slur and slack when speaking. hahaha.

note to self #2: running makes me blog about mundane stuff. but what the heck similar posts about messed up stuff is hardly healthy.

2010-06-06T22:48:00.002+08:00

A heady mix of disgust and self-directed anger, erosion of self-respect and stupidity, a very heady mix.

2010-06-05T13:05:00.003+08:00

Going to gmail, seeing the same mails that i dont want to open
Facebook, check updates, restaurant city, photos, events, friends' pages,
Gamehouse to play a few games, get bored
iTunes, listen to mew copeland pixie/gaga
surf a few food blogs

repeat

good thing i've dinner plans, otherwise i'd just rot and die the whole day away.

on another note, while losing weight doesnt do much to make me happier or more aptly less unhappy, it seems like i'm somewhat attached to seeing the numbers on the scale going down. oh, the short-lived pleasure of knowing that its a something i can manipulate.

2010-05-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

Things to do for the holiday

1. Run and exercise
2. Get some Cloud9 icecream
3. Vanilla gelato!
4. Meet up w my class
5. Do all the admin stuff for uni
6. Sleep 10 hours once
7. Use my quinoa to cook something
8. Make poached eggs (?)
9. Find a job
10. Go for camp
11. Eat at Kichn
12. Stop munching for supper
13. Go overseas (this seems absolutely impossible)
14. Set a bejeweled high score
15. Try to fulfill the above before setting anymore goals

Uprising

2010-05-16T15:29:00.001+08:00

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not enslave us
We will be victorious

They will not force us

They will stop degrading us

They will not control us

We will be victorious

2010-05-13T21:09:00.004+08:00

Have you felt the little voice within you, struggling to get out, trying to tell someone something? Have you suppressed that voice because you fear you cannot express it like it should be? Do you feel like you will never be able to make sense of how you feel, how you feel so low; guilty of these feelings, but sometimes it gets too much you hide, sweep it under the carpet? or under the bed, somewhere safe, away from sight?

How are you to react when you are misunderstood, but you no longer have the energy to explain, because nothing makes sense, because no matter what you say it doesn't matter nothing is going to change so you just drop the topic, block out the conversations the screaming slices through the air above your head?

It's a sad sad world we live in, but its saddening when the people around you whom you thought should be the ones who understand you despite how much you love-hate them still don't know you enough to move you along;

After all these years i thought you knew better.

2010-05-11T18:46:00.002+08:00

I need another chance, hate having to make these choices constantly. in fact, i need a miracle. A huge one, one that would be ever always appreciated; i think from a plane view it'll just be wasted on me though faith-less unbeliever. Why is it that life is so unfair that it is fair?

2010-05-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know whats wrong either, or maybe it's that i don't know where to start, because its like the chicken and egg problem and there's no point pushing the blame to anyone or saying anything about it cos its not like it's gonna help. So let's keep silent, keep apart, and carry on living like everything's all right. And carry on with life they way we are, even though we both know its not all right.

How ugly, rainbows are

2010-05-04T22:45:00.003+08:00

Red - The fury, fiery anger deep within, chewing and gnawing at the walls
Orange - Simmering heat of ambition, pride shred and scattered
Yellow - A glimpse of life, fleeting, dying
Green - Like pastures, the vastitude of this envy that threatens to drown me in its magnificent presence, always around, lurking
Blue - Waves that attack your whole existence, attempting to kill you, drag you by the feet and slowly (but, oh, its definitely surely) choke you
Indigo - Occasional lapses of compassionate actions
Violet - Pure indulgence in self, in wallowing, in what is plaguing me.

On a spectrum, it seems like a wholesome life i have indeed.

2010-05-02T22:48:00.001+08:00

I loved you more, than you'll ever know,
a part of me died, when i let you, go

Think this song captures what i'm feeling right now, even if its not as intense as love is.

(I feel stupid for blogging twice in a day)

merci beaucoup, frère

2010-05-02T21:27:00.003+08:00

"When things get really bad, keep this space inside your head, this small space (diamond shape with fingers), where you know it doesnt have to be like this, you don't have to settle, and you can always better yourself"

think i got the essence of it, even though i can't quote it verbatim. but it doesnt matter, i'm still leaving the quotation marks.

merci beaucoup, mon frère

2010-04-25T19:41:00.002+08:00

Who am i kidding? Who are you kidding Cat? Who are you trying to kid? What are you running from? What are you hiding from? Why are you living in denial? Why does your life look so good on paper? Why is it that you have nothing to work for in life? Why are the turn of events in recent months such a joke? How is it that you manage to fuck up your life, so bad?

2010-04-19T23:12:00.003+08:00

2009 was a bad year, and i cannot believe how naive i have been starting off the year with a blog post wishing for a stunning year. 2010 looks set to be a bleak one too, but i suppose things may pick up soon. may be. maybe i dont want it to so i can forever wallow in this shell. i cannot believe that my mum thought i'd do drugs and become a junkie because of a tv show, and i cannot believe also how much older i feel now compared to a year ago, even half a year. i'm old, i feel old, i feel aged actually. and worn. and still, full of regrets. i know the human heart is greedy, and my heart is most certainly human; i dont want it to be, but it is. but "i feel" is never a good word to use because it conveys no assertion and has no rational basis. so i dont suppose any of this is of any point. anyhow my mum and i discovered how heartless i am, given just enough money to fund an education i'm out i'm leaving. but, i can't. because of so many stupid things and so many things i didnt do. i hate, with a vengeance. but its directed not at the world or you, just the wandering Jew i am.
there's a part of me that wants to delete this post. but no, i shall not. i shall not.

2010-04-17T23:04:00.002+08:00

There's nothing like a half-awake state in church moreover that acutely triggers mental overdrive. its been a while since this welling up of whatever's within, this regret for passivity and inaction, this almost uncontrollable sadness (i couldnt find a better word, even with thesaurus.com) about missed opportunities, this self-pity (?) which i refuse to let myself indulge in because self-victimization/pity is really just suicide, this never-ending question of "what's the point?", struck. and it struck fast and hard and now its only a tiny wound, atop the previous.
and comparing my current state with the carefree joyful ones that my friends around me are in, i feel inferior and hopeless and mostly just like a failure. epic failure. but in any case, i have only myself to blame for where i am now, for what i'm doing now. whoever said "it's never too late" - well let me tell you now it is too late when you're late, most of the time, so "sometimes, it's never too late" might be a little more realistic. (just like how realism is intruding into my personal space at home - i officially detest realism when it ventures into personal attacks) i do not make sense, because once again this is typed when i'm still sound and trying to maintain some sense of privacy. how ironic.

2010-04-14T23:26:00.001+08:00

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.”

John Newton

Are we all lost

2010-04-11T11:01:00.002+08:00

Thinking back on about 7/8 months back, when all was bleak and there was no signpost or anything to guide the way just a bit. your light shone through and i started to steer myself towards something that i thought i wanted. that i want now more than ever. but when you left it seems like i lost that beat to follow, and it was like i went back to wandering.

now i'm just grappling with the fact that what i worked for, or at least what i might have worked for cos it seems like i did nothing much, is all for nothing. because yes, i did what i was supposed to do, i got what i was expected to get, but its not like its getting me anywhere. thinking about how i gave up that chance to make it right 3 months back, simply because i lost faith, and now realising that i shouldn't have, its only regret.

thought that after finishing all that brooding and struggling to write those stupid stupid things this emptiness would go away. but it doesnt, it attacks in waves and i feel it all coming back now. and its the hollow, the void that overwhelms, not the sadness or the pain.

i need to do something reckless, i want to do something outrageous, get out of this haunted shell.

2010-03-31T23:37:00.002+08:00

dear avid reader of my blog:

Hello, goodbye. I dont know you, you dont know i. Why do i type this? I know not why. Why the hell am i trying to rhyme everything? Because then it'll be a lullaby. Stop, just stop. Stop reading this and go do something more meaningful, like read a book or listen to some music or go search how a moment is really a measurement of time.

"Home is where the heart is. But my heart is here. So I must be home"
The Time Traveler's Wife

But what if our heart no longer knows where it is, or if it struggles to make sense of anything or everything, or if its just dead? Where shall we go to, run to?

Money

2010-01-29T08:22:00.000+08:00

"Maybe the dividing line between happy and unhappy is between selfish hedonism and compassionate altruism"
- BBC.

Money can make us happy after all.

chocolate and sugar makes me go on overdrive

2010-01-18T14:46:00.004+08:00

pardon me, but i just do not get all the LOVE YOU BABY, <333, you're so cute, baby you're the one, muacks, and all the other shit load of sweet nothings (i have to emphasise - its NOTHINGs) that completely, or not, in love boyfriends and girlfriends post on each other's facebook walls. just fucking call the other person already and spare us all this bullshit when you've friends who you cant call friends but still are friends on your friends list who see the exchange that honestly doesnt seem to end.

if you really mean what you say just tell whoever whatever whenever. stop typing it out.

and i know im being selfish and unfriendly and arrogant and what nots which i think must be how i seem to be and so shall be. so i shall type this here. hoho, the irony. there is a reason why i uh, your name isnt there anymore. because i dont even talk to you in person. and is that what you call friends? i'm sorry i dont because its like lying to myself i have 300 friends when i only talk to 30. i exaggerate. or maybe its just i'm too proud.

like i said, pardon me. its the fucked up nutella and buttersugar roll i ate thats making me go on psychotic overdrive because its so hard to get them out the improper way. and so i vent.

2010-01-13T17:09:00.002+08:00

And why should we have to face up to reality when all we need do is to play pretend? Its only that the pretence hurts as much as life does.

46

2009-12-11T11:28:00.002+08:00

46 is not a nice number at all. what is happening to all my running + circuit. die, im dying. hahaha. anw north indian food tonight!! cant wait. :D

2009-12-10T11:15:00.002+08:00

okay im so bored, so im kop-ing this from your blog jie. I HATE HANYUPINYIN, the jie makes me sound so cheena, there shoould be some dialect-pinyin or smth. anw, back to this

>70 = no life. so here goes nothing.

Teen/ Romance:

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) Another Cinderella Story
(x) Step Up
(x) Step Up 2
(x) High School Musical
( ) High School Musical 2
( ) High School Musical 3
( ) Hannah Montana Movie
( ) Enchanted
( ) Sydney White
Total: 4

( ) She’s the Man.
( ) License to Wed
( ) The Break-up
(x) 13 going on 30
( ) 27 Dresses
( ) P.S I Love You
(x) Made of Honour
(x) What Happens in Vegas
( ) Get Smart
( ) The Princess Bride
Total: 7

( ) Camp Rock
( ) Wild Child
( ) Ella Enchanted
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Hotel For Dogs
( ) Just Married
(x) Freaky Friday
Total: 10

(x) The Hot Chick
( ) Sleepover
( ) Confessions Of a Shopaholic
( ) Twilight
( ) Nancy Drew
(x) The Devil Wears Prada
( ) No Reservations
( ) The Perfect Man
( ) Australia
( ) Never Been Kissed
Total: 12

Comedy/Humour:

( ) Yes Man
( ) Bedtime Stories
( ) The Pink Panther -- uh... these with Peter Sellers
( ) The Pink Panther 2
( ) Marley & Me
( ) Cheetah Girls
( ) Cheetah Girls 2
( ) Bratz
( ) Haunted Mansion
( ) Paul Blart Mall Cop
Total: 12

( ) The 40-year-old virgin
( ) Night in the Museum
( ) Night in the Museum 2
( ) Evan Almighty
( ) Bruce Almighty
(x) White Chicks
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Meet the Spartans
( ) Meet the Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
Total: 14

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
() American Pie Band Camp
Total: 17

Adventures:
(x) Harry Potter and the The Sorcerer’s Stone
(x) Harry Potter and the The Secret Chamber
(x) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
(x) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
(x) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
(x) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
(x) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Total: 27

(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
( ) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
(x) The Mummy
(x) The Mummy 2
( ) The Mummy 3
( ) Journey to the Centre of Earth
( ) City of Ember
( ) Finding Neverland
Total: 32

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Spider Man 3
(x) King Kong
Total: 42

( ) Hellboy
(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Underdog
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Batman: The Dark Knight
Total: 48

Action/ Thriller
( x) The Matrix
( x) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolution
(x) Terminator
( ) Terminator 2
(x) Terminator 3
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
(x) Ocean’s Twelve
(x) Ocean’s Thirteen
( ) Casino Royale 007
Total: 55

(x) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Underworld
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Death Note
( ) Death Note 2
( ) Death Note 3: L Change the world
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) I, Robot
Total: 57

(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
(x) Rush Hour 3
(x) Mission Impossible 1
(x) Mission Impossible 2
( ) Mission Impossible 3
(x) I Am Legend
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) Signs
Total: 63

Horror:
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) Saw III
( ) Saw IV
( ) Saw V
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
Total: 91

( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Child’s Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
Total: 93

( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Haunted Apartment
( ) Siren
( ) Silent Hill
(x) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask
( ) Alone
( ) The Omen
( ) House Of Wax
Total: 65

( ) The Eye
( ) The Eye 2
( ) Shutter
( ) When a Stranger calls
( ) The Fog
( ) The Orphanage
( ) The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
Total: 95

Cartoons:
(x) Lilo & Stitch
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2 The Meltdown
( ) Madagascar
( ) Madagascar 2
( ) Kung Fu Panda
( ) Bolt
(x) Wall-E
(x) Monsters Inc
( ) Shark Tale
Total: 68

(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
( ) Shrek 3
(x) Finding Nemo
(x) ET
( ) Cars
( ) Ratatouille
(x) Toy Story
(x) Toy Story 2
(x) The Incredibles
Total: 75

Inspirational:
( ) Little Miss Sunshine
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Save the Last Dance
( ) To Kill A Mockingbird
( ) Conrack
( ) Midnight Sun
( ) Little Black Book
( ) Rwanda Genocide
Total: 77

Classics:
() Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Titanic
(x) Romeo & Juliet
( ) Frankenstein
( ) A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Total: 79

this is so full of bull, i barely have a life. but either way i have no like cos im doing this stupid quiz hahah.

i shall go out now and try to have a life, goodbye my pretty face! (sorry its so big, lazy to change the size)

A LEVELS OVER BITCH

2009-12-07T17:44:00.003+08:00

A LEVELS ARE OVER, im so freeeeeee. that it truly sucks. what is freedom without the true excitement of liberation? anw its been a good 3 months from my last post and its a 3 months i doubt ever i want to relive. for now, i'm just going to say goodbye to restraints ill overcome whatever's in my way just to HAVE IT MY WAY.

for now at least.

only because its the holidays again and because there is no need to be sulky when you're stuck in limbo. oh which reminds me that karma really has a way of identifying people and finding them back. because i know now what you and you and prob you were feeling like last year. now i know.

turnoffs

2009-09-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

hmm never crossed my mind that i would feel this way, but i find that im getting increasingly turned off by certain people. like repelled, grossed out, repulsed (is there such a word?) im sorry to the few people i feel this way towards; though i dont show it exactly, but im sorry anyway. and its partly, mostly, on my part and because of me. back to work!

primary school food

2009-09-07T18:27:00.002+08:00

the good old days of primary school - when there was cheap food (and cheap thrills), recess was a time to play games like catching and freeze/melt, and when we were (mostly) innocent. naive even. polar snack and the potato snack that i recently bought somehow triggers the recollection of those years of young fun. i feel old just looking back, comparing and thinking. pondering over what ifs, what could have been. and coming back to the present. looking back, (as usual. haha) i find that i was quite an unpleasant kid. i have to admit that there is some truth in that bullying triggers bullying, cyclical is the word and a very vicious one.

almost wish that i could return to that time, to relive it and to live it more properly and in a more wholesome manner. to make more friends, to have been kinder, to have been a better friend, to so many things and more.

whenever i read a 'nothing' in response to if you could relive your life, what would you change about it", its so inconceivable and ridiculous to me. like REALLY? ABSOLUTELY? yes, you're happy now and the past moulds you, but no regrets? nothing to change? nothing that you would have done, or not done; done better; thought about doing? if i could i'd change a lot of things, but time is an variable invariable and nothing's going to change that. unless time travel materializes.

SALAD mania

2009-08-08T14:41:00.012+08:00

Fairprice Finest is a fantastic place to shop if anyone's looking for Western groceries not usually found. like arugula/rocket, truffle oil, HERBS! its a lovely place to just walk around and relish the sweet variety of foodstuff that is stocked there. fresh herbs - rosemary, basil, oregano.

i'm so going to fairprice finest!

haha. okay, i've decided to spend my money on groceries and make my own food yum yum. oh, but i still owe a lot of money. ): hmm, ill pay you back soon okay! (: i promise when i start working i will. sorry for taking so long, but THANK YOU VERY MUCHH again for being a very very understanding friend. cos i cant draw the $ out lest i get killed after explaining the reason.

Salad!

hopefully, these will turn out like:

plus seared diced chicken, and it'll be a delicious, nutrient-bursting meal! YUM YUM. i'm looking forward to my salad when i make it. (: which will be when i buy my chicken. haha.

OFF TO DO WORK!

2009-08-07T23:28:00.003+08:00

im currently obsessing over Converse Hi top shoes Chuck Taylor All Star The Who + Fann's Sandals from Aldo + BOYS OVER FLOWERS.

haha, my very very obsessed lifestyle now is leaving me
high
(from the indulgence) and
dry
(from work).

a very delusional life i'm leading indeed, it's no wonder i have no goal or direction. so much so it's reflected in my handwriting. i wish i had a fixed handwriting like everyone else does. their nice/cute/pretty/neat/messy/unique handwritings. but mine is crappy and changes depending on the pen i use or the circumstances. fickle-mindedness is clearly depicted in the handwriting. or maybe i'm just meant to be a wandering Jew. which i'm starting to wonder (don't mind the pun) if that is what's in store for me in the future.

CELLULITE

2009-08-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

You have to watch this if you havent already!

2009-07-19T21:36:00.004+08:00

studs are the sexxx, like this

can anyone tell me where to find a shoe like that? or similar. i was supposed to get a flat sandals like that BUT out of stock damn. depression leads to more retail therapy (lack thereof) and i purchased a dress instead. its niceee, but doesnt quite hit the spot for buying such an aphrodisiac-like pair. :/ top of my wishlist :

STUDDED SANDALS/HEELS

flats/heels like that will be perfection. the above is an Aldo pair but i dont see it anywhere. not that i've looked. anw, im shopping too much i spent the money i earned during pc show. which isnt good, hmm. but well-spent i feel. haha.

anw, scholarship/university fair today at suntec with godsis & godsis's godsis. haha. STEPH AND JOANNE, i really enjoy time spent with the 2 of you! (: like no other, its great just catching up, or sharing news/bits of anything. whitechocmocha + oreo cheesecake that doesnt taste like much was good and we should def getogether like this more often! although we're all jaded from (by) school, lets do the best we can rather than get it over and done with alright.

Live in the moment, carpe diem

f21 motivation and dreams

2009-07-14T18:20:00.006+08:00

I LOVE THIS PICTURE! credits to f21:) hmm although losing weight isnt the issue here, i guess it is motivation to become lean & lithe. i think i can i think i can...

okay quite lame, but anw i really like the top on her! lovely shade and design but i cant find it on the website at all, so thats supremely sad. maybe ill go find a tailor to make it, hmm if i ever get down to doing it that is.

sch's been fine, apparently i've a black face which yes i admit to, but really thats just my usual look - dont feel the need to be happy by pretending to be/trying to think happy thoughts. i just dont have the energy to do that & i feel that its just a little fake. but ill try not to put on my cold distant bitchy look, hahaha. results are pretty fine but in any case i'm in a

not gonna let grades define my worth

stage. and i under-estimated.

and its under-estimation thats holding us back i think. or maybe i feel and believe and assert instead. too many times we think exams sucked, i'm screwed, or i can't do this or how am i ever gonna get this/that/--, and when we do get it its like shock/surprise or perhaps just feeling this

"yay i got this, i did better than i thought i would, ... um right"

and then i'd think actually i might have thought i could deep deep down but i just never dared to think i could in case i didnt get the results; at least im spared the disappointment.

okay there's no point to this post except that thats what im feeling. yes.

Dream big dreams, otherwise what's the point of dreaming if its about mundane things, right?

"You have to think big to be big" Claude M. Bristol

2009-07-09T21:14:00.002+08:00

i cant believe how unreasonable and narrow-minded people can get about this h1n1 thing. that social responsibility is staying at home and cooping yourself up so as to prevent yourself from getting the virus. and oh, clubbing is socially irresponsible apparently too. LIKE PLEASE, can you not be so childish. if you are reading this now, i hope you dont kill me. (: anw im so sick of econs now. BYE, need to rehearse this presentation.

ANTS EAR PIERCING H1N1

2009-06-22T17:07:00.002+08:00

why are there so many ants on my computer table? sucks! the small ants that crawl everywhere are disgusting and creepy. must have dropped some crumbs somewhere but cant find it. ah, and yes the h1n1 is so bad now, its getting worse clusters here and there. yes i went to butter but no im okay im fine! no fever that is and yes thats good enough! i was so freaked out this morning that i didnt dare to exercise in case i caused anything. :/ i dont need this social responsibility thing to fall on me please please.

okay anw, i got my ear piercing! (: finally.. its been 2 years since i wanted it, though not exactly life/death kind of. but today i made the time to get it which is great! the lady was kinda unsure so im thankful her colleague did it instead- very quick. pain but now its fine. YAY. okay need to start exercise again possibly some dance routine/workout thing from youtube w my sis, haha. fun fun. i finished reading my geog/econs! so only lit and math left. which is still impossibly alot. BYE FRIENDS!

2009-05-29T21:29:00.002+08:00

YAY GP IS OVERRR. steamboat lunch was goood but there was too much of mushrooms + fishballs. but the soya bean sprouts were yummy, the beef balls were mmhmm and wongbok was good too. healthy goodness, but a bit of an overload. haha. okay well, tradeoffs i guess, but still very very nice. plus the company was pretty entertaining - bernie, wong, my sis. :D

then angels and demons was damn nice! quote "twistful", haha. quote "twisty" from me. HAHA. k that was random. spontaneous disposition is actually pretty exciting! i learn a new thing everyday. gonna blogshophop and find something sweet/spicy, :O yea!

new sources of comfort

2009-05-28T18:08:00.003+08:00

now that i've found a new website to indulge in gossipgirl, i've become more of a slacker, or maybe just me since i've been slacking way alot these last 9+ weeks. wasted about 2 hours sleeping in, and 5 hours on the computer brings such comfort. haha. how ironic since i used the word waste. anw, i wish i wish for the holidays that ill get into mugger mode and catch up on everything esp math sicne now i have no GC to do my math with which is so awesomely frustrating when i want to do my hw. :/ just need to get past GP and the busy weekend will be here. SO heres the timetable:

Fri: steamboat lunch
Sat: 4-a-side hockey carnival at 7+AM, karaoke party for the sis
Sun: work +$$
Mon: Math + Lit
Tue: Geog
Wed: EXERCISE(:
Thur: Lit + more Lit
Fri: Econs +Geog + Lit

sounds like such an amazing week, seems like i dont need to force myself to get into study mode much since the school is doing it. D: okay, gonna go read up on gp. bye whoever reads my blog, haha.

2009-05-22T23:01:00.002+08:00

maybe its the fever, maybe its facebook, maybe i'm being lazy, but i really just cant bear to touch my books or do my notes. i used to like doing notes, but now everything i;ve learnt is in a mess and i cant seem to organise it coherently like how i did last year. and i realise that last year, i did study. even though it was seemingly slack and short, but the hours were well spent. now its like wasting time everyday, and there isnt really any guilt. or maybe there is but im choosing to ignore it. i dont know! i dont want to care either!

period purging

2009-05-18T21:25:00.004+08:00

if menstruation was like a purging of all the disgusting stuff and evil in my physical body, if the very act of bleeding is akin to cleansing of all the toxins and disease and bloatedness and possible liver disease or what not from within me, ill gladly have my period and be happy about it. but now, all im doing is feel depressed about my fucking bloated stomach and be sad about it and try to be happy still and try to do work and try to study when all i can think of is my stupid stupid stomach. if it was the fever that caused this, the 38.8 degrees Celsius fever that caused this shit, i curse the very virus/whatever shit that resulted in my feverish condition last tuesday. i curse the person who gave it to me, and i know i sound childish and vengeful and nonsensical but i dont care cos im really hating my current state of physical being. i dont say wellbeing because im not well and i dont say health because im not healthy at this point. what if i dont get well? maybe ill just roll up in a ball and die. i refuse to put a smiley face here because im not trying to make a point or anything, nor am i going to try to make this seem lighthearted because this is not a lighthearted post.

march

2009-03-22T22:11:00.002+08:00

march hols was mostly hockey, which was fun actually. haha. hockey camp + friendly matches and trngs. buttt, i think it was fruitful. gotta have intense trng from now on up to a divs.

nicoleanne's surprise farewell parrrty! watched part of slumdog and had an oily hour with deep-frying all the finger food. yikes, it was a hot hot encounter, in a very literal way. haha. okay, not funny. i have lost my blogging skills, (if there even is such a thing) which is saddening. i've been feeling anti-social recently, which is bad. or is it good to remain in solitude? no man is an island, but socialising is so draining sometimes.

i have mood swing management issues. >:) and i think im going mad, cos i get so angry sometimes for minor reasons and its happening quite a bit recently and cos i enjoy, in a limited sense, pushing all the wrong buttons of my parents. oh, the joy of it all.

2009-02-16T22:01:00.001+08:00

T I R E D
J A D E D

the weather, the body and the events combine for a lethal mix. sleep is the solution!

2009-02-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

FOTIZO! CJC orientation 2009. (: funstuff. haha. hello everyone, bye people.

PRIORITIES

2009-01-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

holidays are into the last week, and im kind of looking forward to sch. and not. haha. but i def think that this year will be better than the last; ill try to make it at least. (: the new year left me a little more than a little depressed, but i got a message that kindof made me realize my priorities and Wang Leehom's music has been keeping me company and these few days have helped me to somewhat find a direction to head towards. thats why i feel that 2009 will be a better year!

let's all have a stunning year yes!

1

2008-12-29T21:24:00.002+08:00

hello hello to everyone on the tagboard i didnt reply: im alright already! actually the post looks quite silly to me now. haha. sorry abt it, but thank you for all your concern! (; really appreciate it

anw! today's hockey tournament was good experience. even we didnt lost, but learn from mistakes,(: celebrated nic's birthday - supersweet luh! haha.

im feeling tired out from work alrd, cant believe its only been 3 weeks. schedule somehow clashes w my activities all the time and this time i cant find a replacement. ): im sad 10. preusem outing!! and the thought of homework is torturous cos i cant find my geog notes to read PLUS econs is impossible PLUS math is impossible. hello j2 2009. can our class be in the j block please, even though theres so few of us? can i have 48 hours in a day please, so i can do all the things i want to do? can i have that lit teacher please? can i not go back to school please!!

desperate disgusting man

2008-12-16T21:47:00.002+08:00

big fat ugly & worst of all desperate to jack off.
like honestly, go get a prostitute or pick up some fucker at somewhere who actually wants to see someone big fat and ugly.
oh wait they cant - they close their eyes and see you. (: if you need some form of release, theres always the toilet, broom closet or your room at home. or do you have a home?
no wait you dont, so you take the opportunity at the mrt station to try your luck on some girl who was squirmish, on her ipod whom you tried to pull into your fucking body and thank goodness managed to say FUCKOFF so you knew that you had to get off the train before i scream MOLEST and because alot of people heard and guessed you were a silly little (BIG) pervert.
you need to get a life.
trying pornographic moves (if that is even one) in real life isnt going to work because you are BIG FAT & FUGLY.
yay, you are BFFForeverrrrr.
you're never gonna get a girlfriend/boyfriend but i hope that Santa grants you a sex toy for a present this year for being such a sad pathetic fellow so you dont have to end up being a sad pathetic criminal. happy holidays!

anyway on a note thats not so turn-off, there was a bookfair today at plazasing! there were lots of silly books that were so cute! like how to give a wedgie. haha. and there was like two of a kind sweet vally junior high. primary school daysss. :D today was donut-rice-waffles-pngkueh day that totally busted my calorie count and makes me feel like puking. but it was a day well-spent! i'm half done w christmas shopping wheeee! happy happy, cos theres only a few more gifts and im done. then ill have to start counting how much money i have left to spend for myself. haha. hope ill have enough to buy my pants, top & maybe shoes!

trng + work tmrw and maybe time w my sister. :D yay, tmrw tmrw!

Rainy days and mondays

2008-11-17T21:16:00.002+08:00

Rainy days and mondays

seems like the proper expression for today. a blue-ish song for a blue day.

lunch at pizzahut was fineee, they need more staff but overall okay. just that it was incredibly noisy there. caught up w matthew choong, it was fun knowing secrets. :D now you know my dark side, but only partially. haha.

kopped from someone. (:

The rules are simple.
1. You shall put your music player on shuffle.
2. You shall press forward for each question.
3. You shall use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. You shall give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Bounce
hmm, im not feeling so naughty today.

Will you get far in life?
Bohemian Rhapsody
uh, i guess not. haha.

How do your friends see you?
Dirrty
oh, mm i think so.(;

What is your best friend's theme song?
You make my dreams
mm, so ill like fall for my bestfriend?

What is the story of your life?
Electrical fever
YAYAYAY, sounds fun to me.

What was high school like?
Call me when you're sober
not me not me!!

How can you get ahead in life?
Witch doctor
HAHA, this is a joke!

What is the best thing about your friends?
Moon river

What is in the store for this weekend?
Flight of the bumble bee
I'm flying off & im busy, oh whee

How is your life going?
Way i are
yes, my life the way i want it

What song will they play on your funeral?
Dont listen to the radio

What do your friends really think about you?
Happy ending
ooooo

Do people secretly lust about you?
Fascination
awwww, :D

How can I make myself happy?
I fell in love with a DJ
i like, haha.

What should you do with your life?
Hey there Delilah
delilah..

Will you ever have children?
Valerie
uh, sounds like i'm pretty screwed. ):

okayy, interesting stuffs. i just did something stupid, yay. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!

2008-11-16T21:31:00.003+08:00

I love my friends, wheee)

2008-11-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

i do the stupidest & meanest things. anyway on a good note, hockey friendly was kindof good! (: good exposure i think, though we lost. yay. haha

2008-11-12T18:16:00.002+08:00

i just ate a disgusting 800 calorie lunch, a cookie from fa that wasnt so fantastic and i've 5 freaking dollars left for the week. can anybody's day get any worse!? okay, dont answer that. i hate that trng's cancelled cos of the STUPIDDD weather, hate the rain alotalot. tmrw im gonna not eat at all and use whatever energy i accumulated today for my match tmrw and hopefully be able to do smth and not be useless. OR maybe the midfielders will be superwomen and not be tired then i can not sub them at all, yay. (not) please let the sun shine tmrw! (: i'll post many smileyfaces if the sunshines tmrw, haha.

anw this post is the effect of having a headache (again) + too much TheHills + excessive caloric intake + lack of exercise + too much time + a random msg. idkwhat you want, honestly. & right now, i dont wanna know. okay, dinner in half.

MOOD FTM: i hate food & rain, yay

2008-11-09T19:50:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY EMAILLLL INBOX! the new layout is great plus: i've got a weekly cheeky mail. honestly these idiots are targetting the wrong audience; i dont need to fire up desire/drive anyone anywhere. go away you spammers.

2008-11-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

Somehow, no matter how open one tries to be, there're just some moral/ethical boundary. like euthanasia for example; i could never agree with that, much as it is fast becoming an option that many may wish to take. while im not a sickly person suffering great pain, taking the easier way out (to say it very heartlessly) is hopefully not someth we will turn to. heck, medical science is so advanced now and its continuing its progress and i trust it'll do us some good to trust in it.

i sincerely hope this is not gna get me into trouble w the law. haha. okay, random post. no trouble plssss. (: im just trying to form some opinions.

today was bingeing day w vern w lots of fries and burger and ice cream. tmrw will be cutdown day, yay. i hope hope hope island creamery hires me/ cottonon! i want i need i desire i love (icecream & clothes)

hhhhmmmmm i currently have no more msges to send, no call minutes cos my phone is fking screwed jumping from 1hr plus of call time to 1000++ hrs. like WTF. thank you my dear phone. waiting for the next bill in fearrrr. i just calculated: assuming around 22 cents a minute, the bill will be like $13000!!! ): ill have to work forever to pay that off.
fear is such a bad thing.

2008-11-03T22:23:00.005+08:00

so today was a slack day, nothing much but packing some clothes plus surfing the net. watching the hillssss. then waste time till 6pm when it was

Family Outing to Charcoal !

bunsss w olive dip

Main : roastchick w mash

Dessert : greentea cake with red bean, yum

walkingback : Cathedraaal

yayay, love that place. excellent service & affordable (18.9 ++). special occasion anyone, Charcoal is the place to be, wheee! (;

2008-11-01T12:51:00.003+08:00

HALLOWEEN WAS A BLAST :D love my happy friends and their happy friends! they are full of crap and fun fun. adeline yanbing lionel eugene PLUSSS the big two dinny & evil! yayayay. had a happy halloween collecting treats, yummmm. the houses at woodgrove are crazily huge and beau-ti-ful. love the place. lets go trick-or-treat again! haha. waving goodbye in the train was like hilarious and kinda embarrassing but ahh, i can go crazy with them around and not care! i love my friendsss and miss the rest of you a lot!

okay, so on another good note pw was gooooood. even though all of our presentations were very different and i honestly thought some of theirs was more interesting, our grp still did a greatfantasticawesome job! love the team, Superman Reeveturns 4evazxsxzx. spoke a little too quickly and the grp skit was kinda a bit screwed with the stairs the wrong way round, but heck i think we all answered the qns really well. FREE FROM PW FOREVER! love that!

but now theres like abs nth to do, except cleaning up my room and packing which is chore-ful. so hopefully someone will hire me and i can feel useful like i did last year. no more holidays a-wasting for me anymore. ill visit you evvv at Taka!

kay, i need to go running! oh and carbs arent all bad - you put on weight after a carb meal cos they just absorb water. w/o them i think you might become dehydrated. water weight is needed! so dont dehydrate yourself. and eat good fats like omega3 like salmon and tuna / nuts / avocado to help keep healthy! (:

2008-10-30T21:12:00.002+08:00

okay can i first proclaim my love for pwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

haha. i truly truly love pw. when it's all coming to an end. its like this really really big proj finally being completed and im just happy its all gonna be over in like 12 hours. wheeeeeee. i know that the grp ties arent gonna end and it just really helped me to be more open and all. so i love proj work! this enlightenment is gonna intensify tmrw, so goodbye blog till saturday cos theres no time tmrw to blog cos of

cookie baking
trick/treating with the girlfriends

i know they're christmas colours but heck!

yay! i love having op during HALLOWEEN. yum yummy yum yum.

2008-10-27T19:33:00.002+08:00

Whats the world saying when

the computer takes up half the day
talking to friends ignites fear
you weigh yourself everyday
you feel detached from life

?

i think its like saying 'you're a selfish, self-obsessed person; you need to get out of this shit stage fast'. mm.

2008-10-25T14:57:00.004+08:00

pw is gonna be over in a week, awesomeness! i think with my current sick state, i can drop like 3 kilos or smth from water loss and i know not what. cant seem to digest my food anymore. which is somewhat good? but very bad healthwise. ah well, dont care. school's out now.

2008-10-20T21:44:00.003+08:00

Cos you're filthy, oooh and I'm gorgeous! :D

dig the song Filthy/Gorgeous!

FINALLY DONE WITH EDITING MY BLOG. it looks less screwed now. thai is nice; sounds interesting but there'll be lots of hard work to master the basics. tmrw is THE day; yay. pretty excited about it. i hope i do fine for Geog and Lit. MUST PASS. oh and gp too!

this week'll be a busy one. session, prayer, celebration, tekong trip, planning, christmas pageant rehearsal, pw dry runs. thats a mighty lot of stuff. time management! alright, off to clog my mind with scissor sisters(:

2008-10-19T21:23:00.002+08:00

cookie baking today was damn looooooong. and tiring but the product is good! well, if it doesnt become lao hong on thursday that is. the batter was a bit screwed and the cookies are very pale BUT the taste is yum! so hear hear:

Thursday 23 Oct 08
9am-10am
Fund raising for OCIP (for the people we're visiting!)
BUY COOKIES FROM US PLEASE. yummy tummy cookies.(:

anw, pw in the morning was draining but we settled (briefly) our ppt i think? astrid's house is nice; looks a little like germaine's house! talked to her for abit - i think it was kinda fun talking to you astrid! :D ab, huix went to grab macs while kelv slept (late night watching manu) haha.

okay, my post is just about my day cos theres nothing else to blog about. dinner was pasta, but i didnt finish cos cookie dough + potato salad + chicken wings + cookies = bloated, nausea. could've puked out my dinner, but im a good girl (cross-reference with my friendster profile). [:

alright, off to surf the tube! and running tmrw morning to work off the excess calories today! NIGHT BOYS AND GIRLS!<3

2008-10-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

Music for the moment: Bob Marley, ABBA

i just created the ugliest pet ever in Pet Society, on Facebook's Playfish games! YUCKS. its really the ugliest-est creature ever. and i didnt even get to edit it cos i clicked the tick thinking it was just to confirm the name. anw, its called Sally, but honestly such a nice name and such an ugly pet is really nah-ah. ): im upset. haha.

anw does anyone know how to progress up 'Who has the biggest brain?'? i cant! im stuck with some space robot thing and its shrinking.

first day of sch was pretty uneventful except for 2nd period break when we were talking about rubbers. :D i think i take things too seriously sometimes which is bad. okay, i need moolah for the holidays. and company! anyone up for meeting up? ill call y'all soon. haha. soon!

nuff said, NIGHT!(:

2008-10-09T21:36:00.002+08:00

exams are finally over! 2 more weeks to revelation, then it'll be (hopefully) fun fun fun! :D lunch with pek & vern it was after lit; subway yum. then epicentre to check out nanos - happy child pek is getting one, whee. then after meeting swong and joanne and juice & some of T35 it was homeshome. thought i was gna sleep but nope, youtube kept me entertained.

gaki no tsukai is a fantastic show - hilarity to the extreme! japanese game shows tend to have a sadistic streak, but its still funny. memoirs is really a cool show. and now im eagerly waiting for gossip girl next tuesday online! exciting plot. there's nth much else to do now; post-exam (era) is not much of a diff from exam time.

Kafka on the shore, or How to talk to anyone - 92 little tricks for big success in relationships; any takers? (;

2008-09-26T17:36:00.004+08:00

when i actually feel scared to visit my blog, it must be saying something. who feels afraid of visitng their own blog? apart from me of course. im feeling restless, bloated, bored, drained, but most of all, just restless. the room door's closed on me, my sister's within; i know not what shes doing and no, i dont want to know. hmm, and people say we're close? haha. (that's just an afterthought)

closeness of relationships are really hard to define. i might think A is a close friend of mine and she may just think we're just normal friends. alas, there is no clear cut way to define the degree of closeness between 2 people. imperfect nature of knowledge perhaps? thought and truth dont necessarily coincide.

what is the truth about knowledge anyway? is what we know necessarily true and is what is true the absolute truth? is there truth in history? after all, its a story and not all stories bear what is true and absolute. so then perhaps our lives are just lies and what we know are just, well, lies.

ah okay, i was just trying to form an argument which turns out to be incoherent and plainly utter rubbish. (: but what fun, to indulge your mind at times and let it think just a bit in this stifling environment.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.

-William Shakespeare

2008-09-11T21:54:00.002+08:00

time passed pretty quickly today! = not much studying. but, heck luh. shant think too much about it this day. 9/11. such a long time ago. it got me thinking about america and iraq, and their purpose of entering. hmm. and it just so happened that during geog, mr low asked for applications of h3 - on geopolitics. how relevant, and interesting! :D it excites me.

studying with cutter was unproductive, but fun! ((: superdog and starbucks + the exxxfiftybucks cap. haha. yeap, interesting way to spend the afternoon.

2008-08-28T21:38:00.002+08:00

Please all, and please none.

How apt. I found out some things today and took home some doubt and some revelation. that indeed theres no way to please everyone. yet, its an ideal i hold that i do. what a crush. :/ sometimes i wish i could relive the year, others i wish i could just relive my whole life. wonder how different i could have turned out. troubled by the impressions i have made unintentionally and what i havent done enough. and y'know sometimes i wish i was my sister. shes much better at friendships and just chatting. im finding it harder to even want to talk to people now. or maybe its like hormonal changes and a low phase. haha.

i was being selfish today, but i shant dwell; start afresh tmrw! on a happier note, chinese chess is pretty fun to play! esp when i unknowingly won by jiang, si qi. (: the satisfaction of tyco winning - not much. darren smartly shuang pao jiang me. i shall play more chinese chess from now on. haha. and i like playing chess quickly. fast moves that are often very myopic - but its still fun!

off to learn some stuff about crime and punishment. electric chairs intrigue me. what a twisted mind, you say? aye. (;

2008-08-19T22:06:00.002+08:00

i feel damn fat today. today was ended on a worrying note. im gonna become a fugly pig. i think i know what fugle means. it means fatty ugly. rah. and i know im not making sense but i just feel so yucks about myself. haha. yay. maybe i should get my stomach stapled. :/

mm, and my goodness. my handeye coordination is like disgusting ttm. theres no cure for it. it sucks to the max. ttm! but the match was good, belmond is very pro. (:

why is that people who are strong sucumb to stress and theres nothing you can do abt it?

anyway, i want my math notes back. i lost them. the book is not under my table and not at home. im gna dieeee. it has my tutorial in it and im supp to be doing it now, not blogging. this is yucky. i hate losing things.

i want my math notes back! please.

2008-08-13T21:37:00.006+08:00

I heart Michael Phelps. He's Da Bomb - beating other phenomenonal swimmers to clinch 11 golds at the Olympics is a w e s o m e. i hope he gets his goal of 8 golds this time, really really do. although he looked better in 2004, but he's nonetheless the cool outstanding talent that America is in love with! haha.

oh, i think im quite sadistic, but go check out gymnastics accidents. its sadistically funny, many many feelings by watching the video. :D but of course, the actual gym competition is much nicer. whee

anw, here are 2 awesome videos of lyrical hip hop dances on sytycd4. damn nice, superb. its inspiring and heartfelt. (: i love the dancers! i wanna take dance lessons! haha

Mark & Chelsie

Katee & Joshua

yay! almost the end of my post. blogging is quite tiring AND DISTRACTING when im trying to do my lit essay though i have no idea what it is talknig about. time machine, aliens, tentacles blah. how interesting.

FFF! blogger's html stupid bull crap just deleted the most impt part of my post. ah shucks. shant post it anymore.

small miracles

2008-07-23T22:30:00.002+08:00

neckaches are downright nasty - just had one. mmhmm. anw, im inspired to blog because i discovered the small miracles that God puts into my life (and everyone else's) every single day. so id ont rmbr much of ystd. but just now, i found my house keys after misplacing them for 2 days.

it just suddenly appeared somewhere i never saw it before, but nonetheless, im delighted. haha.

met Ev and Shir just now and that added to my happy miracles today.

then MSN was fun, chatting with a friend i havent talked to for a month or more!

then there was hockey trng - when people were nice. haha. despite being off-form today cos of the weather and everyone was wired the wrong way. (: i like the hockey team today.

and earlier, G and i laughing in the library & her buying hello panda for the librarian cos she felt bad. it was entertaining to say the least!

mm, being able to do math FA and figuring out the answer for apps for diff tutorial.

i could go on and on for all these small small things, and its only 1 day, 24 hours! how pleasing it is to have these little miracles build up and make me happier than when i started out the day. perhaps today may be the only day ill be thankful for these events for a loooong time, but im glad i am. inspiration is so hard to come by yknow. haha. i am truly grateful. for now. :D

2008-07-19T21:19:00.002+08:00

You know how the phrase 'time waits for no man' goes? i truly feel it now. these few days have been every bit of depressing. i'm rethinking my decision every moment and it kind of sucks, because dwelling on whats past is useless. yes i know that, but i cant help wondering if i could have had it better. i wonder why i was such a weak person to have chosen to stay in my comfort zone. i really dont know if what i did was right/wrong. maybe there is no right or wrong, but right now i cant see where im going with my life, with no goals, no aspiration, no dreams - absolutely nothing. theres no apt word to describe it; it feels like a cross between regret, devastation, hopeless, stupidity and fear. fear of the unknown. i dont know what im going end up as and while i might have somewhat a goal, i dont see how what im doing is ever gonna get me there. im not matching up to expectations and im underperforming and everything is bleak. project work's tough and gross and we're making no progress and im doing nothing about it and we still havent got a reply from the organisations i contacted. i need counselling.

2008-07-07T21:31:00.002+08:00

So class outing was more like 1/3 class gathering but heck, nydc despite the ripoff prices was relaxing. ended up heading to marina square where we picked clothes for each other and took photos. oh wheeeee. my headache spoiled my mood somewhat, but meeting up again after ages was definitely good. (:

so for now, i

am tired.
have a headache.
love step up 2.
want my results back.
was a happy girl meeting with the 10 and having picnic and sitting on the road and camwhoring with them.
dislike the mum.
am insecure.
am sensing hostility.
am listening to LOW now.
am in debt.
desperately need money.
want a job, somewhere, anywhere, (almost) anything.
realised i'm a sadist at heart. (:

the first half of the day was plentygood, but the other was crap. getting back some papers tmrw i hope! yay. :/

haji lane

2008-06-30T22:21:00.005+08:00

HAJI LANE

Haji Lane then with the sister. sry abt the wait! anw, it was fruitful a trip. house of japan was toocoolforsch, but the dustmuskwasstrong. so headed down. more shops. vintage bags i like! there was this store - an abs treasure trove. the bags were mega awesome and so were the headbands. (: the toocool champion jacky pencil box wasnt for sale. ): it was so old skool. hahah. then further down was this quaint lil shop with nice nice ware - apparel, shoes, accessories. nice ttm, esp the lady. clothes from tw are pretty. so are the shoes. obviously with a rather pleasing description, we cleft with some things!

Haji Lane is a must go for all you vintage hunters, hippies, act cool posers, 2nd hand lovers, street ware must-wear people, dating couples, ltd stock shoppers. whether its finding that 2nd hand levi's, japanese kimono, vintage leather bag, designer shoes, you;re sure to find something that suits just about every one of you.

i feel like im advertising. :D maybe ill blog stuff like this from now on. mhmm.

photos courtesy of Steel Wool - found on flickr. will post my own next time.

xxx, Cat

back to school

2008-06-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

its been a long holiday. pre university seminar, camps, meeting up, surprises and what not. plus of course a bit of revision squashed in between the flurry of activities. mostly i've been slacking my ass off, doing nothing and some things.

finally back to school tmrw - am feeling a little apprehensive. i dont want another month of break, but neither do i want the same ol routine. :/ maybe with hockey this time round plus results for midyears, it'll be better. hoping for the best! hahah.

canteen was pretty okay! apart from waking up late that is. helped at the popiah/fishball/chicken wing corner and the rest of the time? just having coffee, tea and some food. and maybe some flirting. hahahah. on a side note, i thought there wasnt enough food.

Wanted was exciting and adrenaline pumping. the effects were way cool and the actors were hot. just one that is - A.Jolie. (; the main man was okay luh. company was good - Josh, Ben, Bryan. mhmm. students do have their privileges- yea!

great day

2008-06-05T17:15:00.002+08:00

vomitting is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. it made me feel lousy and disgusting and gross. no im not on some crazy ass diet and trying to lose weight like that. and now i'm having a headache. what a great day. except for gossip girl, i havent been doing much but eat, sleep a lot, and eat more which btw is junk food. i feel gross. and i havent started anything productive for midyrs. sounds like an awesome day to me! yay.

ADS & BIRTHDAY

2008-05-21T11:41:00.003+08:00

why does my blog have ads. WHYYYYY. someone help. :\

anyway! THANK YOU MANY MANY to all you lovelyhappysweetniceawesomefabulouscool peeps who made my birthday a veryveryhappy one. (: for the msges, comments, BIRTHDAY CAKE & CARD, another birthday cake, pencil tin, photo+letter, wishes, hugs, presents, lunch, and everything else which my malfunctioning brain has stupidly and currently cant think of - they are verymuch appreciated! iloveyouuuu all! (:

im like supp to be studying for GP, and i rmbr that i didnt bring back my mass media notes. LIKE *(^@*^(*. how smart i am. wheeeee. i think ill just not do mass media. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make the mass media question not be smth i might wanna do.

adobe photoshop express

2008-05-11T20:31:00.005+08:00

like how cool is Adobe Photoshop Express? (:

anyway, im gonna get my black right pack soon soon! wheeee. finally i made up my mind; but alas the opportunity cost of this cute cherries design backpack. haha. hmm, but after talking to damian, i might just look around somemore and scout for a prettier bag. :D havent been studying this weekend - not that i have for the past few. gta get down to serious work soon - midyears are in abt 10 days. the horror!

theres been happening happenings recently - and i've been pretty much updated by sources, or more accurately a source or 2(or 3). i love you people. hahaha. happening blog posts and lives.

i wanna play mahjong! (: and i kinda miss primary/secondary school. midyears are actually over. the woes of growing up. sounds kind of cliche.

Happenings

2008-04-23T18:15:00.002+08:00

Happenings ' April08

NAPFA test ((:
Home Club Gig - fun stuff!
4x100m relay heats - qualified!
watching the hockey match with nicole, sonia & theodora
studying in the library & getting screwed by the librarian
slacking in school & eating a lot:\

today - Za's birthday:D

study date on saturday. hopefully no pw meeting - netball it'll be for the morning then! yay. i lost all my nice emoticons from msn. RAH. all cos i caused the computer to crash. smart me. i want my smiley face and rabbit emotes back. haha. sch's been dreary this week. i feel the moodswing coming. some soma to cheer me up? :DDD do the women in Brave New World have their period i wonder. hoho.

2008-04-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

its been a month since i last posted. and i was supposed to blog ystd till my mum nagged abt how im not doing my hw first & blah blah. : our workload just piled up over the 2 weeks of term 2- tests, hw, readings, notes. RAH.

anyway, gossip gossip makes school fun. somewhat. so does PE. had our 2.4 trials on tuesday and surprisingly i clocked 13.15. which is an achievement cos i was expecting a 14. hopefully i can push myself & die at the end to get below 13- 12.59 is good. :D

1t09 (; playing games on the gc is fun!

cold saturday

2008-03-01T16:47:00.002+08:00

i'm almost done with hw - good kid is me. (: haha. just did many silly facebook quizzes. yes, boredom is creeping in. mas s. is still around. rah. thanksgiving mass in the morning! last time ill wear ij uniform, BUT i do hope there'll be an event to wear it again soon. LJ's breakfast is pretty gd. the weather today is freezingly cold. the aircon in ij's hall was strong - better than cj's if i might add. haha. okay adios!

Change

2008-02-26T21:21:00.002+08:00

I have changed ever since the 1st day i stepped into CJ, so much so my mum has realised. ooh yeah. i think she thinks im going out too much and using the pc too much. for now, ill continue to push my boundaries. :D

i cant log into MSN, its down. lessons have been slack today and will be till friday. i'm currently feeling scared that ill do badly in GMEL and regret not doing PCME. rah. i wonder why i want to take arts actually. :/

Jean is the awesome creative brainiac in class - Class Flag T09!

the start of an end

2008-02-19T20:23:00.003+08:00

i just defied my fruit diet today - i think ill stick with eating less. haha. lessons were slack today- somewhat. Posting - oh whee. i <3 CJ. love you a lot. mostly, i stayed for friends. but, i haven't looked back after 28jan.

its been plain awesome with class 1T08 PAE'08. class outings almost everyday, ponning today's lec, netball, BRIDGE, basketball. & pissing the chinese teacher off! :D

KFC today - so many people were in sch. saw germaine, kumar, JESSICA CHAN(: funness. playing silly games like click click, johnny whoosh, mrt game, how many angels fell off the sky. & we took neoprint! ;) i like. hahaha. its been ages since i stepped into a neoprint shop.

skipped p.s. i love you. ): talking to charis made me sad - im gonna miss you all a lot. class will be different. & i dont even know if ill get the same class as the rest. ahhh, anyway tmrws gonna be orientation - again. hope it'll still be fun.

diet

2008-02-18T20:49:00.003+08:00

i'm going on a fruit diet. & im writing it here so hopefully, ill be more motivated to continue it. my aim? so i can drop 1kg & be less than 50. (: i have nothing against 50-ers by the way. its just a, uh, stigma - i dont like seeing the number when im on the scale. wanna-rexic, amanda? pretty right. i think ill fail terribly. but it's worth a try! :D

CHOMPCHOMP just now. (oh, the irony) we spent so much moolah, everyone's broke. well, i wasnt quite broke BUT cabbing took away my $10 meant to top up my ez link. wheee. stupid 73 - i hate serangoon gardens. & im pissed at myself.

and the cabbie - he's annoying. he kept wanting to stop. & cant understand english i think. he was on the left of the road and i asked him to turn left. but he said there were cars so he cant. he was probbly seeing things, the poor thing. pissed me off totally. IDIOT CAB DRIVER. cos its peak period & have to pay that effing 35% extra - so that extra 1km/more he went just ate up like 2bucks. cheating shit meter. I HATE CABS. i wish money would fall from the sky. & how i wish i get 25$ a day.

looong post today. cj's cop is 10 for sci, 11 for arts. coolass. im disturbed - i wanna be anti-social; its way easier. haha.

Rockafella, DeC

2008-02-16T13:11:00.002+08:00

De Coder's Cafe it is again for class outing. WHEEEEEEE/ i love the place - the cosy feeling and the friendly staff there. Yappy & his team. played Werewolves and Jurassic Jumble (i think) - the grab bones game. :D
celebrated xinying's bday with a song & a blueberry cheesecake. then it was hello school, hello long queue for rockafella & we cut the queue. haha.

it was like a sit down thing and at first a little dead. hahaha. but then we went to the front & it was fun-ner. moshing! it was scary. (: nope, the girls stayed out of it.

home sweet home, while the rest went for supper & stayed over at Carlton. hope y'all had fun!

funny!

2008-02-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

something to laugh about. :D a hilarious email.

How can you tell this table is being sold by a man?

This table was for sale on eBay. How can you tell it is being sold by a man? Can you solve this little riddle? First look and guess. You will find the answer below, but don't cheat! Know the answer? If not, scroll down now......

OK, Look in the mirror. Remember, if you are posting a picture on the world-wide web, WEAR CLOTHES when taking the picture. I NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD....AND IT WAS POSTED ON eBay!!!

random stuff

2008-02-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

Try to drink most if not all of your water in ice cold form.

It tastes better & for every ounce of ice cold water, your body must burn about 1 calorie to warm the water to your current body temp.
100 ounces of H2O = extra 100 calories = burn more fat.

How cool is that! :D

credits to fatburningfurnace.com of course.

there's been awfully annoying & disgusting spam in my HOT-mail - something about enlargement & viagra. like WTF. ): im a clean girl damnit. target the right people you spammers.

anyway, i missed class outing again. ):

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SHIRLYNN! i miss you - hope you had a very awesome 3rd feb. cat loves you!<3

Charlotte Church

2008-02-03T11:25:00.000+08:00

i never cease to be amazed by Charlotte Church's voice. :D

homework overload

2008-02-02T14:32:00.000+08:00

i will have no life this weekend. hw plus research on singapore's transport & israel is gonna kill me. i cant do poems for nuts & neither can i write essays in 1.5 hours. yay, this weekend is so lovely - ishall be a happy kid. :D

i wish i had 12 different me-s. then i can do whatever i watn all at the same time. how nice. ooooo, imagining other worlds. hahaha. lit is flooding my saturated brain.

bye bye

joy amidst depression

2008-01-26T22:14:00.000+08:00

hello world.
hello choices.
hello pain.
hello depression.
will it hello raffles, goodbye catholic OR hello catholic, goodbye raffles?

or am i just limiting my options. no wait if i open it up ill get a headache that'll kill me. im exaggerating. ho ho. i want to think that god is speaking to me but he isnt cause all im hearing is my thoughts.

im in that state of detachment im always in when i have to decide. ooooooo, the deadly d-word - decision. whee. i hate you. like i wasnt even that happy when i saw my eye candy today. but it was like a god-given gift to cheer me up for that period i guess. (: thank you for making my day. hahaha. i sound like such a despo.

ig outing! yay. fun fun. food republic. bitchy women who complained we took up 1 too many seat. free drinks. anything, whatever. topshop. it was a lighthearted morning. then the edusave thing a ling at tpcc. clap clap shake hands smile! kfc. mass

i was emo-ing during mass i think. father val's homily was enlightening, somewhat. the sec1s are damn lucky i tell you.

pizza hut! saw clara & her brother & sister there. actually, she saw me. hahaha. & then keenan saw me. sry, im blind as a bat and i only ever look straight.

i shall pray over this. & for all out there as undecided as me. gd night.

fur farm

2008-01-23T19:49:00.000+08:00

Fur farms in cheena display absolute animal cruelty. skinning animals alive and tearing it out is surely a very reasonable practice. stupid shit. my goodness me, my papa & mama were being annoying. i was damn pissed at first but not anymore. (:

anyway, D-Day tmrw! and i have to go to school in the morning till what - 10am. ): but anyway, it'll be slack chinese & math lec. i dont get much of arithmetic progression but i like GC. whee.

no homework! not that i recall.